so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
