Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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