I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
