I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
