it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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