so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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