So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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