Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
