You're my little dorito
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
