I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
