we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
