why didn't you poke me back
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize