i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
