I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
