I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
