WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Farmville is her only friend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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