I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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