I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
