There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
