Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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