he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
