The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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