I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
