I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
