she woke up with a sticky ear
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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