things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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