the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
