I want to make a zoo with you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
