nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
