I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
