whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
