i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
