mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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