just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Boobs speak an international language.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
