i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
