Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
