No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Panties = found
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