I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
