Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
