Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
