Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
