Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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