Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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