Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
