Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
