This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I checked into jail on foursquare
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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