God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
