Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
