Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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