do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
