remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
