it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
