I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well you can't waste a boner
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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