This girl is more easily done than said...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
