So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
