He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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