Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
