He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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