my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
