Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
