Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
