well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
