just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
