I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
