I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
