so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
